Your Local Library Constantly Whores itself to get Your Attention

I thought, being a library system employee, you may want to know that. Library systems generally rely rather heavily on the number of patrons they serve for funding. The more people utilize their services, then the more money the library receives and the more services the library is able to provide.

Every local library is different, but I'm sure most have a website detailing various services. As an example, I'll give a listing of things my library offers:

1. Books (duh) - libraries try to stay on top of the newest books to keep the patrons coming in.
   
2. Audio books - A lot of people like these, but I can't get into them. Audio books offer me too much opportunity to roam around in my mind and then next thing I know, I have no idea how in the hell I reached chapter 23. 
3. Periodicals - You name it, they may have it.
4. Online databases
   
5. Holds - My library system is part of a larger over all state system so patrons have access to over nine million books in 140 counties. That's frigging cool.
   
6. DVD and VHS - We are actually phasing out VHS movies, but we have a rather wide assortment of movies and educational programs available for patrons. I recently had Ping Pong Playa added to my branch DVD collection. It looks . . . bizarre. I'll definitely have to check it out.
   
7. Video games - This is a new section recently begun at the main branch. While the collection is still rather small, it's very popular. 
   
8. Meeting rooms - home school groups, tutors, and other types of folks sign up to use our meeting rooms. I remember I attended a free or low cost (can't remember which) floral arrangement quick study sort of thing some years ago and walked out with a rather cute little Christmas arrangement for my office.
   
9. Geneology resources - I don't know if all libraries have this, but we have a decent collection for our state and all the surrounding states. 
10. Bathroom sex - technically, we don't offer this service. However, it seems that people think bathrooms are not only great places to piss on the toilet seats, but a decent place to get your bizness on. I don't recommend having sex in a library bathroom. Seriously, I've been scrubbing forty years of mold off the bathroom floor. Do you really want your ass scraping across places like that? 
11. Summer reading program - we have summer reading programs not only for children, but also teens and adults.
12. Movies nights or movie afternoons - each of our branches offers a movie afternoon once a month while the main branch offers "pajama night" where patrons come in for an evening at the movies. 
13. Computer access - Technically, our computers suck donkey balls, but free is free and you get what you get. It works for basic services. I would like to request that you mother fuckers stop getting on myspace since I've explained time and time again that it's crashing my computers.
    
14. Wi-Fi hotspots. 
15. A variety of children's programs including puppet shows, story time, and toddler time
16. The Georgia Kill-a-Watt program - this is something we've recently implemented. It's really awesome.
17. Someone to answer your weird ass questions such as "What does 'not on task' mean?" and find that book with that picture of the apple on the front cover - also known as a reference librarian. My branch does not really have a reference librarian. It's just myself and the library assistant, but my library is fairly small so I don't have a very hard time finding a book if we actually have it on our shelves.
    
18. Copying, printing and fax services - these are services most libraries will charge. While 25 cents may seem like a lot for printing, try buying a computer, printer, ink, paper, and IT guy to see how much cheaper you can do it at home. 
19. Head phones and jump drives - very reasonably priced
    
20. Baby sitting services - along the same lines as bathroom sex - not really, but people don't seem to mind dumping their kids from time to time.
21. Annual book fair - the local library system has been holding its annual book fair in an effort to raise money for 30 or so years now. In addition to selling used books, the system also holds a bake sale, breakfast items, sandwich items, children's games, flea market items, a magic show, a clogging show and a few other things of interest to the community.  If I'd had more money, I would have made out like a bandit. As it is, I bought a really cute little pocket book and an Asian-inspired serving tray set for Tuba Girl's Christmas pile. (Yes, I sometimes buy my kids used shit for Christmas or birthdays. If I know they're really going to like it, then I'm on it like David Hasselhof on a cheeseburger. Well, maybe I'm not as messy.) Also, I bought 8 LP records! I got Fats Domino and Billie Holiday for myself and picked out about 6 records of classical music for my sister, who is an elementary school music education teacher. She'd been complaining that she didn't have any decent classical music compililations for her classroom and I couldn't resist. If I'd been smart, I'd have saved that for her Christmas, but I was so excited, I couldn't help myself. I picked up all that by waiting until the end of the market when they slashed everything to half price and got it all for ten bucks.  
    

Those are a few of the things my local library offers. We constantly strive to reach out to the public so we can grab their asses, throw them through the doors and count them with our little people counter clicker things. Check your library's local website. Not only does my system have a website, we also have a blog where we are constantly updating what's going on, new items available for check out, and general interest updates about what we're doing. Check Facebook for your local library, also. We've recently created a groups page so your library may have thought of doing the same.

Definitely check out your local library. It's not your mother's library. And speaking of "not your mother's library," our motto is "Access to information for all." While the main branch does choose to keep some of the "racier" material behind the reference desk (i.e. Jenna Jameson's autobiography) we are not your children's mother. (Links to a story about women who are confused about the nature of their jobs.)

Much like a parent should monitor what a child watches on television, it's up to a parent to monitor what their child reads. It is not my job as a library employee to decide what little Timmy or Shanteria should or should not be reading. That's is your damned job so if you drop your kid off and she comes home with The Joy of Sex in her bookbag, it's purely your fault for expecting strangers to monitor your child's reading material. Do you let Ted Turner decide what your child should watch? Okay then.

And while it's your job to monitor what your child reads, it's not your job to monitor what other people read.

It's been a hellish weekend full of so much fucking fun I'm about to bust, so today's blog is all about frugally utilizing the resources you are already paying for in the form of taxes. The library is pretty frugal. I think someone once figured that each person in our county pays about $35 a year in taxes for library use. You can't even take a family of four to the movies for that amount.
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